Avril Lavigne Is A Musical Genius

Holy shit, it's been a long time since I've written in this thing. I guess you could say the main reason for that is the same reason that you're fat and unhappy-- You know, too much time stuffing my face with food and sitting on my couch watching that guy from Man Vs Food stuff HIS face with food. That, and most of the time I'm too drunk to tell my elbow from my asshole, let alone write a cohesive blog post.

Oh well, it's the new year (sort of), which means that (unlike everyone else who promises to give you something exciting and new) I'm going to continue to give you the same bullshit opinions on crap you probably don't care about, in the form of incoherent posts riddled with lame puns and bad spelling errirs.

Alright, let's get into the meat of it, shall we?

Somehow my post featuring Avril Lavigne on the cover of Maxim was the most viewed post in the history of like, all the internet posts ever made by anyone, or at least by me, and since it's the still technically January and thus technically still "the new year," we might as well feed our collective voyeuristic inclinations by watching her new music video. (We all know you only clicked on her the first time cause of her abs. Way to go, pervs)

Now imagine for a second that you're launching your musical comeback with a new music video, the first thing people are going to see of you since you faded into obscurity. What's the first thing you want people to see?

"I know!" someone thought. "How about we have you half naked in your bed!"

GENIUS. That's the thing, it's marketing genius. In fact, that's what this entire music video is. If you can bare to sit through anything that happens after she puts her clothes on (I know, why would you?), you'll see that the entire video is MARKETING, and BRANDING. From the moment that Avril wakes up in her perfectly applied signature eyeliner, every step of the video is directed at answering the question"How can we re-brand Avril Lavigne as still being COOL?"

From the bohemian apartment filled with records, to the not so subtle flashing of the word "VINTAGE" in the clothing shop, to the part where Avril flips off the camera, every item and every action is intended to show that Avril is still cool and edgy. Not into pop punk anymore? Don't worry, it's cool, look at the guy she's banging, he probably doesn't like pop punk either! Thought Avril Lavigne was "safe"? Watch as she gets out of bed half naked and then steals a car so she can play basketball in the hood and then go to a dive bar! Parents, recoil in horror at the monster you've created!

Not only is everything in this video about branding Avril, but it's about product placement. How many products get their own shot in this video? I counted at least the flat screen television, the perfume, the sign for her clothing line, and the Sony Ericsson phone on my first watch.

IT'S MARKETING GENIUS, PEOPLE. And you know what? When you combine marketing genius with celebrity hotness, you get musical genius. And that's why Avril Lavigne is a musical genius. The fact that the video has had over two million views in a week proves it. Did I mention she starts the video in her underwear?

Alright, here's the damn video already: